Tales from a summer camp - Directors Tales.

There are so many stories from camp, so many hilarious things to share, but some of them are personal, some are stories that no-one else would find hilarious but the people that were there, some are things that aren't for me to share. They are things that I will always treasure.

But here are a collection of some of my favourite little anecdotes, the last for now, of my camp memories. And hey - go to www.badgercamp.org and make a donation - or better yet tune in to the telethon. xxx

What's a douche?

Camp Directors had the most fun, that is just a true story, we had a blast, we worked very hard, but there again so did everyone at camp, and we were a small bonded group.

One of my funniest moments was in the kitchen. Ben - who was the camping and fishing director and one of the camp 'dreamboats' ;-) he, MAC and I were very good friends and we always seemed to have a giggle wherever we were.

This night we're in the kitchen cleaning up after one of our campfires, we were just finishing up and Ben said something to wind me up - as usual - so I went back to my usual witty retort of "Douche bag" Yes I am trying to make a living using my words - you wouldn't think so would you?

Ben looked at me and asked.

"What IS a douche?" He asked so earnestly, however with Ben, he is very hard to read, he is incredibly dry witted and sarcastic.

MAC and I turn to look at each other, both willing the other one to PLEASE take this one.

MAC refuses so I decide to man up and explain it.

"Well, um it's a device for cleaning. Urm, well it's for feminine hygiene, it cleans, urm, you know." I eloquently explained it.

Ben ponders on this for a moment, before turning to us.

"So do you guys have one?" He asks curiously.

MAC and I both turn a bright shade of red and crack up.

As I say "No!" MAC says "That's personal." Which causes me to crack up harder.

I'm choking for breath, my face has gone puce, my eyes are streaming tears, I'm one step away from snorting, when Ben looks at us with a look akin to disgust.

"Ew, you guys are dirty." He says. And I'm done.

MAC and I are hunched, gasping and squealing out peals of laughter, holding our arms around our middles and cackling like witches.

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Do you know what a cupcake is?

Every Sunday we had new campers, it was always a hectic and yet fun time, and we have jobs handed out. MAC and I tried to get our jobs to co-incide, we would either set up the campfire or cook the cakecones. They were cakes baked in ice cream cones. They were then covered in frosting, they looked like little ice cream cones. Every one liked them - except for me. Blargh, they were far too sweet.

One evening after the campfire was done and the campers had returned to the main camp it was left up to us directors to tidy up.

As we were packing away the goodies Katie makes a reference to cupcakes and I start to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Katie asked looking confused.

I smirk at her, giggling like a naughty child with a secret.

"Do you know what a cupcake is in England?" I ask slyly.

"The same thing it is in America?" Katie said.

"Well yeah, but it's also something else." I say snorting.

"What?" Katie asked obviously intrigued.

I lean forward as if to share a secret, Katie leans in along with the others, all eager to hear my little secret.

Disclaimer: I just want to use this moment to clarify, that I found this information from my brother.

"It's when someone farts into their cupped hands and makes someone else smell it." I say gleefully and burst in to delighted if a little maniacal giggles.

All the other directors stand in shock for a beat or three before Katie follows me in to gales of laughter. For the remainder of the night she kept up her British accent asking "Would anyone like a cupcake!"

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Someone Pee on the Fire.

At another one of our marvellous campfire evenings, we were cleaning away the mess and having our usual banter and chats, once the last of the beanbags were put into the van we go to put out the fire, when Ben curses.

"I forgot the fire water!" He says in annoyance.

The fire water is what we use to douse the fire pit, so as to not destroy all the woodland in a massive forest fire. It's a handy thing to remember.

Ben didn't want to have to go all the way back to camp to get the water and then come back and douse the flames, so he goes hunting for something to use to douse the fire. When he runs out of ideas he comes up with this little gem.

"One of you guys - pee on the fire."

We all look at him in disbelief.

"Ben with all due respect  I am not about to go hover over a fire. You're the one with the hose mate, off you go." I wink and all the girls cackle away.

And away Ben went... To get the fire water. Wuss. ;)

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Call me Cobra.

Another fun thing we did was our Wednesday night Olympics, where we would start off with a barbecue, and one of us had to be in charge of grilling. Grilling out was actually one of my favourite things to do. Especially grilling burgers.

We had 2 massive propane flame grills, and it was fun to turn the burgers and watch the flames shoot up, I'm a bit of a pyromaniac.

I liked the solitude, you didn't get much 'alone' time at camp, and that never really bothered me, but sometimes it was nice to have a moment to yourself.

I'd almost finished when Katie came over to have a little chat, unfortunately she distracted me, and I dropped one of the hamburgers, I used the tongs to try and get it and as I reached in, I as usual, wasn't paying any attention and reached too far and burned my hand, I shot my hand out quickly but the burger was still there, I was determined not to waste it so with a couple of quick jerky hand movements I was victorious and had earned not only Katie's respect but also the nickname -Cobra.

I strike like lightning, it's frightening.

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Banana Pudding Pop Battle

One time our evening snack was pudding pops, easy to make and delicious, you use a type of pudding (custard) and the flavour we had was Banana, you then freeze it in plastic cups with a lolly pop stick and voila once frozen a delicious iced treat.

Or it would be if you liked Banana, which I most certainly did not.

We had a few left over and MAC, Ben and I were cleaning up in the kitchen.

I don't remember how it started - I think it was probably Ben - but an epic fight started - with banana pudding pops as our weapon of choice.

Bam! I slapped Ben round the face with the pop, leaving a custard trail on his cheek.

SMACK! He returns with a scoop of melted pop - right to the eye.

As I'm stumbling around the kitchen holding my eye - it burned like a bitch - MAC then picked up the slack and was a machine shooting out tiny little banana bullets. Ben didn't stand a chance.

When all was said and done and the pudding weaponry was all gone, we stood panting, giggling wrecks, covered in pudding, after some quick photographic evidence, we surveyed the mess in front of us.

Being the responsible adults that we were, we cleaned the kitchen thoroughly, and quickly, however we quickly realised the error of our rambunctious ways when we had to all work the night shift, with no chance of our shower, sitting with the stink of banana in our hair and the sticky residue on our skin.

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Are those Leiderhosen?

Rapidly approaching the end of camp, we had one of our last sing-a-longs, the directors had to get dressed in green gear, and walk from room to room waking all the campers and counsellors with loud out of tune singing and banging of instruments.

I woke up late - as usual and stumbled from my bed half asleep. I had laid my clothes out the night before, luckily but I was still the last one ready. I was freezing cold and the only green thing I owned was a pair of shorts and a green vest. I pulled on some leggings first to keep my legs warm and my shorts, and rushed from the room joining the group.

MAC takes one look at me and bursts out laughing. Her laugh is contagious and everyone looks to see what's so funny.

"Are you wearing Leiderhosen?" MAC laughs, and everyone starts laughing.

Luckily I am not what is known as a shrinking violet so I join in with their laughter and then decide to only talk like Uter the German exchange student from The Simpsons.

MAC and I spent the entire time alternating laughing and singing and it made my heart so happy that I wore the 'Leiderhosen' the entire day and even kept them on for our mass 'camp picture' MAC and I are sitting centre and if you look closely (those who have camp pictures) you'll see the now infamous Leiderhosen.