DAY ONE:
At a drunken New Years Eve party Laura and I discussed going on holiday, gushing what a wonderful idea it would be thanks in part to all of the alcohol in our system. The idea was actually a good one, I could do with a holiday, my last one had been last year and my amazing trip to see Molly in New Orleans then Jared in New Jersey. However the more excited Laura got the more filled with trepidation I became, because I wasn’t sure I was even going to be in England, I was offered a job in Connecticut for the summer, and seeing as that is where Jared lives and the job was a dream job, I thought I was going to go for it. But then real life and responsibilities got I the way and I decided to, for once, do the responsible thing and not be flighty. However in doing that, I took away an entire summer of being together with Jared and that was a bit of a kick in the teeth. So instead I thought that I would take a holiday to go and see him, we already had plans for later in the year, but I didn’t want to wait so long and was planning for 2 trips. And then I thought about how excited Laura had been and thought, no, I need a girls holiday, a chance to get away from it all, have some quality girlie time and relax, no stress. So I went and told Laura, and three weeks before we jetted off, we went and booked a holiday.
** I swear, I packed like 20 pairs of knickers **
We left England and it was a gorgeous sunshine filled day, Laura came to my house and we were both dressed like the jet-set girls that we are. I said my goodbyes to my family and Lau and I cheered and hugged on my front garden (I’m almost positive that my neighbours think I am a basket case) excited that our holiday was here at last. Lau drove us just down the road to her Dads house, he and his girlfriend were going to drive us to the airport, as we were climbing out of her car, I was telling Lau about the trouble I had packing. “I have no control over how much I pack. I swear I packed like 20 pairs of knickers!”
“20 pairs?!” A male voice exclaimed and my head whipped up, standing in the doorway was Lau’s bemused looking father, who I was just now meeting for the very first time. Now because I often make a complete fool of myself I don’t get embarrassed too easily, so I just laughed it off the best that I could, thankfully Lau’s dad has a great sense of humour so a potentially humiliating moment was defused.
Whilst at her house Lau’s dad wondered at my packing prowess, my suitcase was bigger than Lau’s and also much, much lighter. (We later found out this was because I apparently hadn’t packed anything that I needed).
The drive to the airport was fine, thankfully we didn’t get stuck in any traffic and the journey was filled with pleasant chatter and excitement from Lau and I.
And then our holiday officially began. Now I love airports, but I absolutely loathe planes, it’s quite the contradiction. The last couple of times I have flown, I have flown alone so checking in and going through security with someone was a novel experience.
The trouble here is that I am quite sarcastic and a smartass at the best of times, and like a naughty child when I have an audience I only become more precocious, you have to be really careful with what you say when you go through security you aren’t allowed to say certain words like ‘terrorist’ ‘bomb’ or ‘drugs’ and when I know that I can’t say something I have the compulsion to say it all the more, it’s like a form of tourettes.
I must look so suspicious because I make such a concentrated effort not to say something inappropriate or something that will get me either arrested or banned from flying.
Lau went through the scanner first and it went off and the security woman called her over – this woman was tiny, I wondered why someone so little would want a security officer job. She asked Lau how old she was (possibly because baby faced Laura looks under 18 and the woman didn’t want to face a lawsuit for feeling up a minor) Lau promptly forgot that she was 21 and attracted more suspicion and I did what any good friend would do, I laughed.
As I walked through the scanner towards the absolutely lush security man the alarm went off. I realised too late that my headband was made of metal and instead of getting me to take off the headband and walk through again, I had to be felt up. I must say I was quite looking forward to it, the man was absolutely gorgeous. However I had to wait for the pixie woman. As I said earlier, I travel a lot by myself, so I often get patted down at the airport, apparently I have the look of a drug mule, despite this fact this was the most thorough public exam I have ever had, I would have appreciated her buying me dinner first. I was half expecting her to snap on some latex gloves. And I was sad to realise that was the most action I was going to see all holiday.
After our ordeal we headed straight to the food court because it was 3 o’clock and I hadn’t eaten all day, as we sit in ‘Spoons I peruse the menu and am horrified by the markup I see in prices, at the end of the day it is still a dirty Wetherspoons and they charged us £1.60 for cheese on our chips!!
As we are sitting waiting for our stupidly expensive bowl of chips (I was expecting caviar to arrive on the side for those prices) I look down at our knife and fork and am transported back to a time when I served up plastic food, because our cutlery was the metal version of the little plastic utensils I served my plastic food up with. I understand that they don’t want dangerous weapons to be taken on to a plane, but I am pretty confident I could do more harm with my mascara wand than with a butter knife.
After a few hours of wandering around we finally get a gate number and make our way to the plane, I’m not a fan of flying but being with Lau made me much less scared, as did the fact that we were sitting next to each other (I refused to pay money just so they’d seat us together). As we are waiting at the gate for them to take our boarding passes and check our passports a man picks up his phone and asks “Are you doing the fuel for the Thomson 4778?” And Lau turns to me and says “I hope so.” That then prompted me to do my surprised loud laugh and stood giggling whilst everyone else looked at us in bewilderment.
We take some pictures and finally get on the plane, I have a window seat (and it has to be said, despite the fact that I hate, hate, hate flying, I do indeed love having the window seat) and we’re sitting over the wing, which Lau tells me is the safest part of plane, I’ll believe her because it sounds reassuring to me.
The flight is only 4 hours and we declined the option of getting a meal because we weren’t prepared to pay £12 for a meal that is just terrible. We’d gotten snacks at the airport instead, Lau had gone into a little restaurant to get a roll for the plane and a man just ahead of us, had purchased some hot food and managed to drop it all down himself. His lovely white shirt was covered in gravy. My karma is terrible right now because I will admit it, I laughed. I laughed, hard. I had to turn my back as I tried desperately to stifle my giggles and Lau was the same. She kept gasping “gravy on his shirt!” over and over again and I seriously thought I may asphyxiate from lack of oxygen.
Back on the plane, I was by the window with Lau next to me, and she had a nice young woman around my age next to her, so she was pleased that it wasn’t some freak. Lau turns to the woman “just to let you know we’ve got Wotsits” and the woman replied with “That’s ok, I like Wotsits.” I hope she realises we were just being polite and letting her know we had stinky crisps and we weren’t offering to share. I don’t share Wotsits.
About halfway through the journey Laura stirs and is starting to feel a little nauseous, she gets travel sick and I’m worried, I tell her to drink some water and maybe eat something, so reaches her bag and pulls out her Wotsits which currently are inflated and look like they’re about to explode. We laugh again for a long time, but then I get to thinking, if a pressurised cabin does that to a pack of Wotsits what the hell is it doing to our bodies?
I am used to flying long-haul, I’ve only ever really travelled long-haul and so I expect a little more leg room, a television in the back of the headrest, multiple channels, complimentary drinks and meal. However in a package holiday you get crammed in seats, rude pushy airline staff, overpriced beverages, a few small screens placed on the aisle. I wouldn’t recommend it, but it comes as part of the deal, you just have to suck it up.
Before too long we arrive in Tenerife, it’s night time by this point and I loved looking out of the window to see the twinkling lights below. The landing is relatively smooth and before we know it we’re all shuffling off the plane like drunken zombies. I have 35 inch legs, having them crammed into what feels like a 10 inch gap is not pleasant for four hours, and I have lost most of the feeling in my legs. As we get off the plane we spot a girl who we first noticed back in Gatwick, we named her ‘socks’ she was a larger young lady in her mid-twenties who had decided her comfortable flight wear was to be a t-shirt, the shortest shorts I have ever seen (and they were tie-dye *shudder*) and knee high socks. Now my sister often wears knee high socks and looks just adorable but for starters this girl was too chubby for knee high socks, they were cutting into the soft flesh of her legs (the reason I don’t wear knee high socks) and secondly, they weren’t even cute socks, they looked like flight socks to me, so they were tight and they were dirty. The whole look was just like one giant no-no. This was the start of a game we played all holiday where people were given nicknames – none to flattering nicknames.
No-one checked our passports in Tenerife – I dread to think the amount of criminals that probably hideout there. We made our way to baggage reclaim, I was tired and excited and I was hoping they hadn’t lost our luggage. Really hoping.
They hadn’t ours came out relatively quickly too, and we walked out to get our taxi transfer, we were really excited that we would have someone standing there with a card with our name on it, but when we got out, there wasn’t anyone with a card. There was however a Thomson rep, so we went over to her. She checked our names, gave us a welcome pack, and grabbed a taxi driver to take us to our hotel.
We were staying in El Médano which is roughly ten minutes away from the airport, we didn’t want to have to get the mini-bus that would probably take us all around the houses, so we opted for a taxi, our taxi driver took us over to a minibus and Lau and I looked at one another and sighed, guess he didn’t get the memo and we would be waiting for other passengers after all.
We sat down and he put our bags in, and then we were off! We had an entire mini-bus to ourselves, it seemed a little bit excessive, but Lau and I were happy again.
The area we were driving into was beautiful, it reminded me of the harbour near our house, all new looking houses and apartments, all typical Spanish architecture, really beautiful. We arrive at our hotel in no time at all, and climb from the cab, there are two gentleman standing outside awaiting our arrival, it was gone midnight but no-one looked tired or put upon, they booked us in, checked our passports and put our all-inclusive bands on (they’re like hospital bracelets) they were a bronze and gold colour, Lau hated the colour I liked it, it was subtle I’d have hated a garish yellow or orange.
We were told we were in room 526 and away we went.
Our room was on the top floor and we had a junior suite – it was gorgeous, utterly gorgeous we had a huge bathroom, a double bed (2 singles pushed together) a wardrobe which separated the bedroom from the living area. A television, mini fridge, coffee table, chair and sofa, leading out onto a balcony, the balcony was beautiful a view of the stars, the mountains and the sea. Absolutely glorious.
Lau and I ran around ooh-ing and ahh-ing and taking pictures, then we got into bed and crashed out after a long day of travelling.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Thrills and Spills.
I haven’t written in ages, I’ve had a very stressful couple of weeks and a terrible case of writers block, it sucks but I think it’s starting to lift now thank goodness.
Work is iffy, I have days where I absolutely love it, and days where it just does my head in, but I think everyone feels the same about their jobs. I must say I was a very lucky girl the other day and won a Kindle E-Reader at work yesterday, that’s a big deal to me, I’ve wanted one for the last couple of years since they first came out, but couldn’t justify spending that much on a luxury item. So to find out I won one for just doing my job is pretty sweet it has to be said.
The other day I had one of those amazing nights you know, I went out on a pretty good date, had a lovely evening and the next day I went and spent some time with my nan and grandy, it was my first time seeing my grandy since his operation and he looked really good.
Nan had made me a cooked breakfast, I was utterly spoiled, as always when I see the Grandparents, I spent a couple of hours with them having catch up chats. I mentioned to my Grandy that Jared was interested in the British Royal Navy and had been trying to tell me facts about it which I had scoffed at, because both of my granddads had served in the Navy, pretty much at the same time too. Once I mentioned to Grandy that Jared was interested he got me a whole bunch of his precious pictures and lent them to me so that I could send them to Jar for him to look at. It always touches me that my granddad is so kind and selfless, he has always been that way, if he had something that I was interested in he would immediately lend or give it to me.
After an eventful and wonderful morning I head home to check on mum, because she has the beginnings of a nasty cold and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t exerting herself too much, the weather is hideously bitingly cold, but I just pull my hood up and continue on my way as I am in a happy, happy mood and nothing could bring me down. Except of course for gravity.
I am approaching my house so I shove my hand into my massive bag, rooting around for my door key, I cut across to my path, but pay no attention to where my feet are treading and I miss my path, my foot sank into the soft grass, my ankle twisted painfully and I lurched forward. I remember a time when falling used to happen in slow motion, this did not, I had no recollection of the fall at all, just that hideous sound of flesh hitting concrete solidly, my hand still in my bag couldn’t stop my fall so my face did, thankfully my massive hood was still up protecting my cheek.
I was so embarrassed I jumped up to my feet and hobbled in to the house, my light grey jeggings were wet, but thankfully not torn. My knee was throbbing as was the palm of my hand, the sort of pain you get every other day as a child, but seeing as I haven’t fallen like that since I was like eight, it was somewhat of a shock to have that pain thrown so casually and unexpectedly back at me.
As I gingerly peeled my damp and skin tight jeggings off my leg, I am not shocked at the blood, just shocked that there wasn’t more of it. My knee was swollen and bruised in three places.
I have to be honest, I didn’t deal with the sharp pain well, and I milked it for all it was worth, because lets face it, I don’t often fall, at least not without being tanked up on a whole lot of alcohol and when that happens you don’t often feel the pain until the next day.
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Grandy and Nan
So today was a rough, rough day for me, but it ended pretty damn well. My grandy had to have heart surgery, I got myself so worked up I made myself pretty sick. I already have the flu and nerves just made me sick all day yesterday and today.I am very lucky though and have been blessed with wonderful supportive friends. And my grandy he's badass, I should know better than to count him out too soon.
So I thought today's blog would be a celebration of some of the best moments of Grandy and Nan, you see most people have conventional grandparents - not me. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
The Snowman
A little while ago we had some deeeeep snow, so deep in fact that it made getting in to work impossible and we got a snow day - always an exciting prospect when you're a grownup.
I remember my sister and me went out for a walk in the deep snow, we took pictures, had snowball fights, general snow based merriment. Later that night, mum phoned nan to make sure that she and grandy were ok at home, that they didn't need anything, etc, when nan told the following story.
In the spirit of snow based frivolities nan decided to go in to her back garden and build a snowman, she didn't have any winter gloves so she was wearing her bright yellow washing up gloves and she built her snowman whilst my grandad watched from the warmth of indoors. When she was done she went searching for a carrot for the snowman's nose, when she got to her fridge she realised that she didn't have any, all she had was tinned carrots. So she used a tiny limp tinned carrot for a nose. But what to do for eyes? I hear you cry.
As my nan looked for inspiration my grandad pipes up "Use dog turds!" Perhaps the most sensible advice ever uttered... What makes it worse was that my nan did. Yes that's right, the snowman with his limp carrot nose had dog turds for eyes. Looks like it'll be an chavtastic Christmas...
What have I ever done for you?!
My nan and grandy argue, kind of all the time. The funny thing is they obviously love each other, they just bitch and moan all the time, sometimes it drives you insane, and sometimes it's utterly, utterly hilarious, this argument is one of those times.
My grandy and nan were arguing about something petty, and nan listed all of the things that she had ever done for Grandy - those big romantic gestures, the deep emotional stuff etc real compelling stuff when my grandad looks at her, in full earnest anger...
"What have I ever done for you? What have I ever done for you? I've bloody kept you in t-shirts!"
Best. Line. Ever.
My nan looked at him dumbfounded and walked away, she later told us that she was holding back laughter, she had gone to her wardrobe and looked inside at all of the many, many t-shirts grandy had bought her over the years and she couldn't fault him, he had indeed bought her a lot of t-shirts...
Dropping the C-bomb
My grandad used to be in the Navy. He has travelled the world, had a woman in every port, and cursed up a storm. That being said he's a true Italian Gentleman and won't curse in front of a lady and HATES it when women swear especially when the C-bomb is dropped.
During another one of their little arguments, I remember this vividly, I'm sitting on the sofa, eating some treat that nan has lavished upon me in true nan style and nan is following grandy around chanting the c-bomb, and every single time grandy flinches as if he's been slapped. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen but Grandy was getting cheesed and I didn't want to annoy him more so I just put my head down and snorted in to my cake crumbs.
Pole Dancing Pensioner
My nan is outrageous, I am almost one hundred percent positive it is where I get it from. My nan will always make inappropriate jokes and have fun, and I think it is awesome. The other day we were on a bus and she gets off halfway during my journey home, as we approach her stop she kisses me on the cheek, presses the bell and starts to make her way down the aisle, as she gets to the bit in the front where people can stand, she's holding the pole, the bus breaks suddenly and she pitches forward, catches herself and swings around the pole like a geriatric stripper (if she knew I'd used the term geriatric she would punch me, no word of a lie) She then bellows "woohoo, sorry driver, fancied trying my hand a pole dancing" and continues to gyrate around the pole for a moment. I am killing myself laughing at this point whilst the rest of the silver surfers stare at her in stony faced silence.
So I thought today's blog would be a celebration of some of the best moments of Grandy and Nan, you see most people have conventional grandparents - not me. And I wouldn't change it for the world.
The Snowman
A little while ago we had some deeeeep snow, so deep in fact that it made getting in to work impossible and we got a snow day - always an exciting prospect when you're a grownup.
I remember my sister and me went out for a walk in the deep snow, we took pictures, had snowball fights, general snow based merriment. Later that night, mum phoned nan to make sure that she and grandy were ok at home, that they didn't need anything, etc, when nan told the following story.
In the spirit of snow based frivolities nan decided to go in to her back garden and build a snowman, she didn't have any winter gloves so she was wearing her bright yellow washing up gloves and she built her snowman whilst my grandad watched from the warmth of indoors. When she was done she went searching for a carrot for the snowman's nose, when she got to her fridge she realised that she didn't have any, all she had was tinned carrots. So she used a tiny limp tinned carrot for a nose. But what to do for eyes? I hear you cry.
As my nan looked for inspiration my grandad pipes up "Use dog turds!" Perhaps the most sensible advice ever uttered... What makes it worse was that my nan did. Yes that's right, the snowman with his limp carrot nose had dog turds for eyes. Looks like it'll be an chavtastic Christmas...
What have I ever done for you?!
My nan and grandy argue, kind of all the time. The funny thing is they obviously love each other, they just bitch and moan all the time, sometimes it drives you insane, and sometimes it's utterly, utterly hilarious, this argument is one of those times.
My grandy and nan were arguing about something petty, and nan listed all of the things that she had ever done for Grandy - those big romantic gestures, the deep emotional stuff etc real compelling stuff when my grandad looks at her, in full earnest anger...
"What have I ever done for you? What have I ever done for you? I've bloody kept you in t-shirts!"
Best. Line. Ever.
My nan looked at him dumbfounded and walked away, she later told us that she was holding back laughter, she had gone to her wardrobe and looked inside at all of the many, many t-shirts grandy had bought her over the years and she couldn't fault him, he had indeed bought her a lot of t-shirts...
Dropping the C-bomb
My grandad used to be in the Navy. He has travelled the world, had a woman in every port, and cursed up a storm. That being said he's a true Italian Gentleman and won't curse in front of a lady and HATES it when women swear especially when the C-bomb is dropped.
During another one of their little arguments, I remember this vividly, I'm sitting on the sofa, eating some treat that nan has lavished upon me in true nan style and nan is following grandy around chanting the c-bomb, and every single time grandy flinches as if he's been slapped. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen but Grandy was getting cheesed and I didn't want to annoy him more so I just put my head down and snorted in to my cake crumbs.
Pole Dancing Pensioner
My nan is outrageous, I am almost one hundred percent positive it is where I get it from. My nan will always make inappropriate jokes and have fun, and I think it is awesome. The other day we were on a bus and she gets off halfway during my journey home, as we approach her stop she kisses me on the cheek, presses the bell and starts to make her way down the aisle, as she gets to the bit in the front where people can stand, she's holding the pole, the bus breaks suddenly and she pitches forward, catches herself and swings around the pole like a geriatric stripper (if she knew I'd used the term geriatric she would punch me, no word of a lie) She then bellows "woohoo, sorry driver, fancied trying my hand a pole dancing" and continues to gyrate around the pole for a moment. I am killing myself laughing at this point whilst the rest of the silver surfers stare at her in stony faced silence.
Saturday, 1 January 2011
A picture perfect memory - Hazel bear and the doll house...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wow, we've entered 2011 and I am sure that it's going to be a wonderful year, it's gotta be better than 2010, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but a lot of bad stuff did go down last year. Saying that though we get out of life what we put into it, so I'm going to be more positive and outgoing. I was looking through my old profile pictures on facebook and thought that I could reminisce with you fine people out there...
Todays picture is courtesy of my 23rd birthday party - many years ago now :D It was a costume party- the theme was toys, I went as a Living Dead Doll and my friend went as a Panda bear...
I was working at an opticians at the time, I had been there for 2 years and I was incredibly close to all of the wonderful people that I worked with. I remember when I went for the job, I thought that it was going to be a small team of uptight people and I was unsure I even wanted to work there, however the money was good and it was a 'grown up job'. I was working at a cinema at the time and the opticians had asked me to an interview, I had nothing smart enough to wear and true to form I left it until the last possible minute to think about getting interview clothes. The night before my interview I went in to Asda and bought the cheapest suit they had in the sale, it was this hideous biscuit brown skirt and jacket and it was 2 sizes too big - I looked a state, they probably gave me the job out of pity.
In my interview I had to impress not one but two people, I am confident and outgoing so I wasn't really worried about that aspect of it. The man who interviewed me was lovely, I was sure I had impressed him, he was very open, the woman however seemed not at all impressed with me, and I got the vibe that she didn't like me at all, I remember I left that interview and phoned my mum, I told her that I didn't get the job, that I had blown it. So imagine my shock when not only did I get the job, but that woman would go on to become one of my closest friends.
It's not often that you can say that your bosses are your friends too, but the opticians was an incredibly social place to work, the true definition of a team, and as such when my 23rd birthday rolled around and I threw a party I invited everyone and they all turned up - and they turned up in costume too! Hazel came as a panda bear, because she is obsessed with them, she had gone to so much effort making her costume and she looked incredible! All I remember her doing that night was going up to my friends - men that she didn't even know and groping them - she was the groping panda! There are tons of pictures of her in action. I actually think as that picture was taken she was going in for a grope of the birthday girl!
Hazel and I have so much in common it's a little strange, but it also made working for her that much easier, I knew how far I could take a joke, I would never overstep the limits and take advantage of our friendship and Haze never takes any crap from anyone anyway.
One of my favourite memories of her came from the days when I worked in the office. It was my job to answer calls, organise doctors letters etc and there was a toilet right next door to the office - not always pleasant - but at least I saw people as they went to and fro from the toilet. Because the toilet was well used and often 'odouress' we had copious amounts of air freshener.
The air freshener was usually a life saver, but someone made the grave error of buying a rose scented air freshener. It wasn't one of those that got rid of a stench, it just tarted it up. I can't tell you the amount of times I was assaulted with the revolting stench of a trussed up turd.
Hazel found my hatred for the rose scented freshener hilarious and would often tease me about it.
One day in December, I was being driven insane because not only was it freezing in our tiny office, I had the space heater on and the door closed to keep the warmth in, it was also dead, the phones weren't ringing, I was nearly all caught up with my work, I was finding myself tasks because otherwise the day drags, so I'm sitting getting absorbed in filing when I hear this strange hissing noise.
I have no idea what the hell it is, and I'm looking around our tiny office in confusion wondering what the noise is and whether it should disturb me, then just as suddenly I'm assaulted by the sickly stench of the rose air freshener, and it's so thick in the air it's burning my throat. I try to get out of the office only to find that the door is stuck!
Turns out that Hazel making the most of her lunch break had wedged the door shut and was spraying the rose air freshener through the keyhole in the door.
I'm sure that office still smells of roses three years on.
Wow, we've entered 2011 and I am sure that it's going to be a wonderful year, it's gotta be better than 2010, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but a lot of bad stuff did go down last year. Saying that though we get out of life what we put into it, so I'm going to be more positive and outgoing. I was looking through my old profile pictures on facebook and thought that I could reminisce with you fine people out there...
Todays picture is courtesy of my 23rd birthday party - many years ago now :D It was a costume party- the theme was toys, I went as a Living Dead Doll and my friend went as a Panda bear...
I was working at an opticians at the time, I had been there for 2 years and I was incredibly close to all of the wonderful people that I worked with. I remember when I went for the job, I thought that it was going to be a small team of uptight people and I was unsure I even wanted to work there, however the money was good and it was a 'grown up job'. I was working at a cinema at the time and the opticians had asked me to an interview, I had nothing smart enough to wear and true to form I left it until the last possible minute to think about getting interview clothes. The night before my interview I went in to Asda and bought the cheapest suit they had in the sale, it was this hideous biscuit brown skirt and jacket and it was 2 sizes too big - I looked a state, they probably gave me the job out of pity.
In my interview I had to impress not one but two people, I am confident and outgoing so I wasn't really worried about that aspect of it. The man who interviewed me was lovely, I was sure I had impressed him, he was very open, the woman however seemed not at all impressed with me, and I got the vibe that she didn't like me at all, I remember I left that interview and phoned my mum, I told her that I didn't get the job, that I had blown it. So imagine my shock when not only did I get the job, but that woman would go on to become one of my closest friends.
It's not often that you can say that your bosses are your friends too, but the opticians was an incredibly social place to work, the true definition of a team, and as such when my 23rd birthday rolled around and I threw a party I invited everyone and they all turned up - and they turned up in costume too! Hazel came as a panda bear, because she is obsessed with them, she had gone to so much effort making her costume and she looked incredible! All I remember her doing that night was going up to my friends - men that she didn't even know and groping them - she was the groping panda! There are tons of pictures of her in action. I actually think as that picture was taken she was going in for a grope of the birthday girl!
Hazel and I have so much in common it's a little strange, but it also made working for her that much easier, I knew how far I could take a joke, I would never overstep the limits and take advantage of our friendship and Haze never takes any crap from anyone anyway.
One of my favourite memories of her came from the days when I worked in the office. It was my job to answer calls, organise doctors letters etc and there was a toilet right next door to the office - not always pleasant - but at least I saw people as they went to and fro from the toilet. Because the toilet was well used and often 'odouress' we had copious amounts of air freshener.
The air freshener was usually a life saver, but someone made the grave error of buying a rose scented air freshener. It wasn't one of those that got rid of a stench, it just tarted it up. I can't tell you the amount of times I was assaulted with the revolting stench of a trussed up turd.
Hazel found my hatred for the rose scented freshener hilarious and would often tease me about it.
One day in December, I was being driven insane because not only was it freezing in our tiny office, I had the space heater on and the door closed to keep the warmth in, it was also dead, the phones weren't ringing, I was nearly all caught up with my work, I was finding myself tasks because otherwise the day drags, so I'm sitting getting absorbed in filing when I hear this strange hissing noise.
I have no idea what the hell it is, and I'm looking around our tiny office in confusion wondering what the noise is and whether it should disturb me, then just as suddenly I'm assaulted by the sickly stench of the rose air freshener, and it's so thick in the air it's burning my throat. I try to get out of the office only to find that the door is stuck!
Turns out that Hazel making the most of her lunch break had wedged the door shut and was spraying the rose air freshener through the keyhole in the door.
I'm sure that office still smells of roses three years on.
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Halloweenie
I was looking through a lot of my old pictures and i came across my favourites from Halloween this year and so I thought that I would share the story with you.
My best friend B and I go all out for fancy dress- we freaking love it, it's pretty much an obsession with us, last year we lived in our own house in Huddersfield and so we decided to throw an epic house party, we decorated the house, got a ton of party food and costumes - all on a stupidly limited budget because we were poor uni students, scraping to get by, yet we managed to get everything sorted.
Our costumes were awesome, but thanks to a virus spreading through uni like wildfire, all of our friends were sick, and so at our party there was just the four of us. Mega disappointment.
This year I live back down South and B and her fella have moved to London in a gorgeous mahoosive house and she invited me up and suggested we go out and celebrate in London. This sounded like a completely brilliant idea to me and I agreed immediately.
I didn't know what I wanted to dress up as, I have done most everything in terms of fancy dress and I like to be somewhat different because most girls use Halloween to dress like sluts.
When I got to B's we went shopping and we found some cheap prosthetics - B is awesome at creative stuff, she had done her fella a mask so he'd look like one of The Gentlemen from the Buffy episode 'Hush' it was friggen terrifying, but also brilliant.
We decided to go as Zombies, which I couldn't wait to do, I've always said I'd do well in a zombie Apocalypse but I thought it might be fun to do the zombie thing.
B and I were waiting for her fella to finish work and so we decided to get us ready, I'd bought this gorgeous little white baby doll dress earlier and it was from an outlet store so super cheap (so cheap I bought 2) however the only size they had was 2 sizes bigger than I am, so B had to help me and safety pin the sides so that it fit better and I had to wear a top underneath to not inadvertently flash anyone. ;)
One thing we forgot to buy however, which is a MASSIVE oversight, was the fake blood, so we looked up recipes online to make our own - which is perhaps our second mistake of the evening. Flour, red food dye - oh looks to pink, we need to make it darker let's add coffee - nope still needs to be darker - how about soy sauce - genius. The colour was right - the mixture however had become insanely sticky and fricken reeked!
To help me forget my dress woes B made me this drink - I can't remember what she calls it but it's red wine and cola, it gets you drunk quickly and you don't get a hangover from it, it's genius and we drank copious amounts whilst doing our outfits and makeup. B has all kinds of special makeup and did all my prosthetics, I had to wear this bit of fake skin over the entire right side of my face, I'm short sighted at the best of times but covering up one of my eyes and making my vision poorer is not my best idea.
Once we were all dressed up and ready to go we got in the car and drove to the station, there were a few people dressed up at the station, but none like us, B was an amazing vampire and she was dressed very sexily, her boyfriend looked terrifying and I looked somewhat normal when my hair was covering my face, but when people saw the right side of my face, they'd stop and gape, completely freaked out - it was fun to watch all the double takes.
We got some looks on the train which was only to be expected and was quite frankly really funny.
Once we arrived in London we got on the underground where we got more looks and we headed to Camden - it's where all the cool kids go don't you know? :P
We sat down and I see this group of tourists sitting opposite, and this little creepy dude gets his phone out and starts snapping shots- I felt really, really uncomfortable, but also a bit like a celebrity :D I am after all a showoff by nature.
We get off at Camden and are ambushed by people thrusting fliers at us, we take a few, but we know where we're going - there's a ball going on at KoKos, I went there for a 3Oh!3 concert so I know it's a cool venue and how to get there, we make our way, B and her fella holding on to me because with only one eye my depth perception is WAY off.
We get to the club and the line to get in is INSANE I didn't want to waste all evening outside in the freezing cold, so we traipsed back and go to one of the pubs to get a drink and ponder where to go.
Everyone in the pub turns to look at us, but we stand in the corner drinking and chatting, a group of men walk past us and one of the guys gets all up in my face and starts talking about my makeup, I don't speak idiot so I had no idea what the hell he was going on about, I just gave him the ol' raised eyebrows, smile and nod, that you have to give to simpletons to make them go away.
We decided after a while to head to the Electric Ballroom - which is fine by me, because it is AWESOME there, a fantastic venue with great music and a good atmosphere and not too expensive.
We had a little banter with the staff - possibly too much because the woman doing the patting down, seemed to spend a little too much time checking the girls, I almost told her she had to buy me dinner first.
We get in, get some drinks head out to the dance floor and who should we run in to? The weirdo from the tube! yay and who else - the simpleton from the bar! It was like a freakshow reunion, I was oh so happy.
We all had fun dancing and drinking and I happened to set my eye on a very good looking man, however, without full use of both of my eyes my flirting was rendered useless and he left without me getting to molest him. Unfortunate. All was not lost however because the lovely barman supplied me with a free drink.
When we left the club, we didn't take in to account that the tube shuts at a certain hour and we had to get halfway across London. B's fella decides to get some KFC and we wait outside for him and we strike up some conversation with a sweet Italian boy. After a little banter we're on our way again and head to a bus stop, only none of us know where we're going and we're all a little too drunk to be dealing with timetables. I let B and her fella ponder about which bus we need to get and I slump down on the bus stop bench, wishing I could just teleport home already 'cause I am exhausted when this very sweet 'vintage topshop range' girl asks if I'm ok. I look up to tell her that I'm fine - forgetting about my horror makeup until she shrieks and draws the attention of everyone. I mumble an apology for scaring her but inside am fighting the hysteria of how funny her reaction was.
We decided to walk, once more my depth perception is very much in question and our directional skills are slim to none, however after a long, long walk we miraculously arrive at the station - only to find it closed because of engineering works. It's now 3am, the station won't reopen til 6 or 7 and I don't want to be hanging around for that long. We walk over to the other station hoping that a train will be there for us, as I'm walking I decide now would be a fantastic time to take the prosthetics off - along with half of my skin because the glue needs to be soaked with a dissolving liquid. I am then struck blind when I lose my retina thanks to the bright station light.
We find a train and get on, but there is no information posted and we worry it's the wrong train, so we get off the train walk down the platform - feet killing us at this time, especially B who is in high-heeled boots, we find out it is in fact the correct train and have to walk all the way back to get on it.
We gratefully sink in to our seats, it's a nearly empty carriage, one other man in it, and we're in a booth with three seats and next to a heater, it's bliss. Our train doesn't leave for an hour but I don't even care, I'm sitting and I'm warm. I'm just starting to drift off to sleep when the man in the carriage does the most hideous loud hacking wet cough and snort. It turns my stomach, but I let it go and try to relax. He does it again. I sigh and mutter, B's fella thinks it's gross too, but we try to relax. He does it again.
"I'm out." I said and get up before I decide to smack him in the head for being vile and leave the carriage.
We sit in another carriage, B and her fella next to her and me across the aisle from them.
It's peaceful for about 15 minutes until a group of chavs get on and sit right by us. At the time I was worried we'd have constant harassment, but they were actually ok, gobby and stupid but not abusive, and so I relaxed.
Just as the train started to move, another man walks into the carriage and sits opposite me - I hate it when people do that, there's a train filled with empty seats but you sit right by me freakshow - awesome.
I ignored him and kept my eyes closed, just trying to relax and will the journey away, as we start to approach our stop I open my eyes and see B and her fella staring at me - a little disconcerting.
"Are we near our stop?" I ask and B looks at me very seriously, which it turn, makes me feel more serious.
"Yeah, come here." She motions me over and so I go sit with them. At our stop the creepy guy from near me gets off first and B glares daggers at him.
"What? What's up?" I ask as we get off the train.
"He was acting weirdly, and he kept staring at your legs." B said obviously furious.
And this is why I love her. If I'd been on the train by myself that guy would have creeped me out. But I was on the train with her and her fella, and I was wearing leggings under my dress. He hadn't tried to talk to me or touch me. He could look all he wanted, but B was being protective of me and I think that's really sweet.
We walked tiredly out of the station (none of us had purchased tickets and we'd gotten away with it - tiny lawbreaking offenses really give you a buzz) and we got a cab to the house, when we walked in we all looked like zombies, we grunted out a night and I collapsed in to bed, completely spent from the best Halloween I have ever had.
My best friend B and I go all out for fancy dress- we freaking love it, it's pretty much an obsession with us, last year we lived in our own house in Huddersfield and so we decided to throw an epic house party, we decorated the house, got a ton of party food and costumes - all on a stupidly limited budget because we were poor uni students, scraping to get by, yet we managed to get everything sorted.
Our costumes were awesome, but thanks to a virus spreading through uni like wildfire, all of our friends were sick, and so at our party there was just the four of us. Mega disappointment.
This year I live back down South and B and her fella have moved to London in a gorgeous mahoosive house and she invited me up and suggested we go out and celebrate in London. This sounded like a completely brilliant idea to me and I agreed immediately.
I didn't know what I wanted to dress up as, I have done most everything in terms of fancy dress and I like to be somewhat different because most girls use Halloween to dress like sluts.
When I got to B's we went shopping and we found some cheap prosthetics - B is awesome at creative stuff, she had done her fella a mask so he'd look like one of The Gentlemen from the Buffy episode 'Hush' it was friggen terrifying, but also brilliant.
We decided to go as Zombies, which I couldn't wait to do, I've always said I'd do well in a zombie Apocalypse but I thought it might be fun to do the zombie thing.
B and I were waiting for her fella to finish work and so we decided to get us ready, I'd bought this gorgeous little white baby doll dress earlier and it was from an outlet store so super cheap (so cheap I bought 2) however the only size they had was 2 sizes bigger than I am, so B had to help me and safety pin the sides so that it fit better and I had to wear a top underneath to not inadvertently flash anyone. ;)
One thing we forgot to buy however, which is a MASSIVE oversight, was the fake blood, so we looked up recipes online to make our own - which is perhaps our second mistake of the evening. Flour, red food dye - oh looks to pink, we need to make it darker let's add coffee - nope still needs to be darker - how about soy sauce - genius. The colour was right - the mixture however had become insanely sticky and fricken reeked!
To help me forget my dress woes B made me this drink - I can't remember what she calls it but it's red wine and cola, it gets you drunk quickly and you don't get a hangover from it, it's genius and we drank copious amounts whilst doing our outfits and makeup. B has all kinds of special makeup and did all my prosthetics, I had to wear this bit of fake skin over the entire right side of my face, I'm short sighted at the best of times but covering up one of my eyes and making my vision poorer is not my best idea.
Once we were all dressed up and ready to go we got in the car and drove to the station, there were a few people dressed up at the station, but none like us, B was an amazing vampire and she was dressed very sexily, her boyfriend looked terrifying and I looked somewhat normal when my hair was covering my face, but when people saw the right side of my face, they'd stop and gape, completely freaked out - it was fun to watch all the double takes.
We got some looks on the train which was only to be expected and was quite frankly really funny.
Once we arrived in London we got on the underground where we got more looks and we headed to Camden - it's where all the cool kids go don't you know? :P
We sat down and I see this group of tourists sitting opposite, and this little creepy dude gets his phone out and starts snapping shots- I felt really, really uncomfortable, but also a bit like a celebrity :D I am after all a showoff by nature.
We get off at Camden and are ambushed by people thrusting fliers at us, we take a few, but we know where we're going - there's a ball going on at KoKos, I went there for a 3Oh!3 concert so I know it's a cool venue and how to get there, we make our way, B and her fella holding on to me because with only one eye my depth perception is WAY off.
We get to the club and the line to get in is INSANE I didn't want to waste all evening outside in the freezing cold, so we traipsed back and go to one of the pubs to get a drink and ponder where to go.
Everyone in the pub turns to look at us, but we stand in the corner drinking and chatting, a group of men walk past us and one of the guys gets all up in my face and starts talking about my makeup, I don't speak idiot so I had no idea what the hell he was going on about, I just gave him the ol' raised eyebrows, smile and nod, that you have to give to simpletons to make them go away.
We decided after a while to head to the Electric Ballroom - which is fine by me, because it is AWESOME there, a fantastic venue with great music and a good atmosphere and not too expensive.
We had a little banter with the staff - possibly too much because the woman doing the patting down, seemed to spend a little too much time checking the girls, I almost told her she had to buy me dinner first.
We get in, get some drinks head out to the dance floor and who should we run in to? The weirdo from the tube! yay and who else - the simpleton from the bar! It was like a freakshow reunion, I was oh so happy.
We all had fun dancing and drinking and I happened to set my eye on a very good looking man, however, without full use of both of my eyes my flirting was rendered useless and he left without me getting to molest him. Unfortunate. All was not lost however because the lovely barman supplied me with a free drink.
When we left the club, we didn't take in to account that the tube shuts at a certain hour and we had to get halfway across London. B's fella decides to get some KFC and we wait outside for him and we strike up some conversation with a sweet Italian boy. After a little banter we're on our way again and head to a bus stop, only none of us know where we're going and we're all a little too drunk to be dealing with timetables. I let B and her fella ponder about which bus we need to get and I slump down on the bus stop bench, wishing I could just teleport home already 'cause I am exhausted when this very sweet 'vintage topshop range' girl asks if I'm ok. I look up to tell her that I'm fine - forgetting about my horror makeup until she shrieks and draws the attention of everyone. I mumble an apology for scaring her but inside am fighting the hysteria of how funny her reaction was.
We decided to walk, once more my depth perception is very much in question and our directional skills are slim to none, however after a long, long walk we miraculously arrive at the station - only to find it closed because of engineering works. It's now 3am, the station won't reopen til 6 or 7 and I don't want to be hanging around for that long. We walk over to the other station hoping that a train will be there for us, as I'm walking I decide now would be a fantastic time to take the prosthetics off - along with half of my skin because the glue needs to be soaked with a dissolving liquid. I am then struck blind when I lose my retina thanks to the bright station light.
We find a train and get on, but there is no information posted and we worry it's the wrong train, so we get off the train walk down the platform - feet killing us at this time, especially B who is in high-heeled boots, we find out it is in fact the correct train and have to walk all the way back to get on it.
We gratefully sink in to our seats, it's a nearly empty carriage, one other man in it, and we're in a booth with three seats and next to a heater, it's bliss. Our train doesn't leave for an hour but I don't even care, I'm sitting and I'm warm. I'm just starting to drift off to sleep when the man in the carriage does the most hideous loud hacking wet cough and snort. It turns my stomach, but I let it go and try to relax. He does it again. I sigh and mutter, B's fella thinks it's gross too, but we try to relax. He does it again.
"I'm out." I said and get up before I decide to smack him in the head for being vile and leave the carriage.
We sit in another carriage, B and her fella next to her and me across the aisle from them.
It's peaceful for about 15 minutes until a group of chavs get on and sit right by us. At the time I was worried we'd have constant harassment, but they were actually ok, gobby and stupid but not abusive, and so I relaxed.
Just as the train started to move, another man walks into the carriage and sits opposite me - I hate it when people do that, there's a train filled with empty seats but you sit right by me freakshow - awesome.
I ignored him and kept my eyes closed, just trying to relax and will the journey away, as we start to approach our stop I open my eyes and see B and her fella staring at me - a little disconcerting.
"Are we near our stop?" I ask and B looks at me very seriously, which it turn, makes me feel more serious.
"Yeah, come here." She motions me over and so I go sit with them. At our stop the creepy guy from near me gets off first and B glares daggers at him.
"What? What's up?" I ask as we get off the train.
"He was acting weirdly, and he kept staring at your legs." B said obviously furious.
And this is why I love her. If I'd been on the train by myself that guy would have creeped me out. But I was on the train with her and her fella, and I was wearing leggings under my dress. He hadn't tried to talk to me or touch me. He could look all he wanted, but B was being protective of me and I think that's really sweet.
We walked tiredly out of the station (none of us had purchased tickets and we'd gotten away with it - tiny lawbreaking offenses really give you a buzz) and we got a cab to the house, when we walked in we all looked like zombies, we grunted out a night and I collapsed in to bed, completely spent from the best Halloween I have ever had.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Adventures in London Town
I have had like the best day ever today, it has been filled with fun, frolics, spending and laughing. So I thought that I would share my magical day with you fine people out there... I hope that you enjoy...
Adventures in London Town.
Days like today are awesome, that is a fact. I only hope that you fine people have days like I have had. If not I am very sad for you. Come hang out with me, craziness is bound to occur.
Tinkerbell (My sister) and I have been wanting to go to London together for a while now, and she has every Wednesday off of college and I have 2 weeks off work so we decided that we would go explore London together and buy Christmas presents whilst we were there.
Our day starts with an alarm, an alarm that reluctantly drags me from my peaceful slumber. I was extremely cheesed and did not want to get out of my nice warm bed, but I have been looking forward to my day with Tink for ages so drag myself out of bed I do.
Now we set ourselves a time of nine to be out of the house, but Tink and I take forever as usual to get ready and we're running 20 minutes late. Which is very typical behaviour from us.
We get in to town and rush for our train, the train is as usual packed to full capacity. Full trains really annoy me, it's a stupid pet peeve but there it is.
Tink sits in front of me and we share my ipod and read our magazines, chatting easily, and the hour and a half passes quite quickly, when we get to London we push through the hordes of people and then the arctic wind hits us.
The first thing that we do is head to the underground and purchase our train tickets. One machine has no queue so I go to that and am in the middle of purchasing our tickets when an older gentleman leans in and jabs Tink with his finger "That machine is broken." He says, but it's working so I ignore him and continue with my purchase, sure enough however the card part of the machine is broken so I get in the queue for the working machine. Telling the people queuing behind me that the machine is broken. But like me before them, they ignored me and the cycle continued. English people are idiots. I am one of them.
However foreign people are idiots too, as proven by the delightful woman ahead of me in line, who brazenly ignores the massive "CARD ONLY" signs and tries to put her five pound note into the credit card slot. After several failed attempts she turns to me and asks for help. I tell her that she can't use cash and that it's card only. She doesn't understand. I point to the sign that says "CARD ONLY" and she doesn't understand. I was somewhat tempted to get out my credit card and show her, however I am worried she will think that I am offering to buy her ticket, so my card stays in my purse. After repeating myself ten more times in slow, loud (because you know that if you say something louder it's easier to understand) basic English she gets it and gets the hell out of the line - halle-bloody-lujiah.
I finally purchase our tickets and we head off to Camden Town.
Camden is my favourite place in London. It's where all the cool kids hang out. It's filled with rockers and scene kids and all the 'hipsters' and they have awesome market stalls where you have to haggle. I have so much fun haggling.
Tink and I go in and are just browsing and we get sleazy market traders saying what pretty ladies we are, and that they'll give us a good price as we're pretty ladies - ha! One asks if Tink and I are sisters which we confirm that yes, we are. He then asks which is the older sister. Tink isn't impressed and I am chuffed, I'm pretty sure he's just flattering me to get a sale.
He then asks how old we are, when I tell him that I am 26 he is genuinely shocked, which does wonders for the ego, and then he tells me he was sure I was 17/18. Now I fear he is taking the piss, that or my Oil of Olay is working wonders.
However his flattery gets him nowhere and we leave without purchasing anything.
As we're wondering around, I am in my own little world, as usual and Tink gets all excited.
"OH my god! it's that guy from Big Brother." Big Brother is a show we were obsessed with in my house we saw it all the time, so I was quite excited by this news and whipped my head around so fast I gave myself whiplash.
"What?! Who?!" I ask, my eyes scanning the crowds of people.
"The good looking one." Tink says desperately.
"John James?" I ask frantically, he was very goodlooking, a bit of a knob-head but a very attractive one.
"Yes!" Tink screeches.
"Where?" I ask, and she gestures to three men walking away.
I was on the scent like a bloodhound, I think I would make an excellent member of the paparazzi I was all over him like a rash. I power walked until I was at a level with him, and I heard his Australian accent, I power walk harder and overtake him, glancing back and ascertain that yes, it is in fact John James, we stalk him until he ducks in to a shop, possibly to avoid us, and because he's only a Z list celeb, I give up. Had it been Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance, or Kellan Lutz, I wouldn't have given up until they had been sexually molested in some way by me.
Tink and I shop for hours, before deciding to head to Piccadilly and do some more Celeb spotting if possible.
We get as far as Leicester Square before feeling like we were going to keel over and die from the cold, so we go into the fine dining establishment of McDonald's, where we grab a quick bite to eat, thaw out a little and then carry on, knowing we have at least four hours to kill before we can go home.
We spend hours window shopping, and see tons and tons of things that we want to buy ourselves, which is not helpful when you are looking to buy Christmas presents for other people, we're putting off going back in to the cold, but know that it is inevitable.
So I decided to get us a hot chocolate and suggest a walk beside the Thames. We go to Starbucks, get a small hot chocolate, then we stand at the small bar and add the sugar and chocolate powder.
"Would you like sugar?" I ask Tink.
"Yes please." She replies and as I pour sugar in she says quick as a whip.
"I want sugar not diabetes." I let out the loudest bark of shocked laughter, before clapping my hand over my mouth to suppress my loud laugh.
That's the thing with Tink, she is unbelievably hilarious and quick witted, and she always keeps me on my toes.
We go out and walk miles, we get lost about three times before I realise that we've walked in the wrong direction. As we're walking down the pavement, we see a business man, walking aggressively - you know the type, the ones who have finished work and want to get home as quickly as possible, the ones who hate every single person that get in their way.
Well mr. business man walks around a group and then things go wrong, he stumbles, and in slow motion he goes down, twisting as he falls as if he's unsuccessfully trying to do a para-roll. His laptop case smacks down, he falls harder, the sound of his skin scraping the pavement is loud in the London night. People stop and stare at him, as if they want to offer him help, but won't unless he's really hurt. He get's up pretty quickly, picks up his case and walks away. As soon as he's out of earshot, I am lost. The giggles consume myself and Tink as well, we're laughing hysterically, clutching our sides. I am having trouble breathing when Tink gasps out. "Did you see how he rolled into a fetal position?" and I laugh harder. Impossibly harder. I am sobbing, no sound is coming from my mouth. I gasp in a breath and a loud cackle fills the air. The walkway is busy so we can't stop, and I am walking and laughing, so is Tink, we're walking blind. I manage to walk for three blocks laughing all the while. People are looking at me like I'm crazy. And I guess I am a little but I can't help myself. There is something so inherently funny about people hurting themselves. Not seriously of course. But minor injuries are always just so, so funny. Karma will find a way of repaying me, but I'm still laughing as I recall this story to type it up.
The rest of our trip is a total success we laugh some more, take some pretty pictures of London at night (it's very pretty seeing all the lights), there's a Christmas Market that we visit. We have to run for our train when we get to the station as there's only four minutes until the train leaves, we manage to get on the train with no problems, which I am VERY grateful for. And Tink and I recall the poor falling man again and we both laugh until we are crying, earning odd looks from the other passengers.
All in all, a fantastic adventure with my best friend.
Adventures in London Town.
Days like today are awesome, that is a fact. I only hope that you fine people have days like I have had. If not I am very sad for you. Come hang out with me, craziness is bound to occur.
Tinkerbell (My sister) and I have been wanting to go to London together for a while now, and she has every Wednesday off of college and I have 2 weeks off work so we decided that we would go explore London together and buy Christmas presents whilst we were there.
Our day starts with an alarm, an alarm that reluctantly drags me from my peaceful slumber. I was extremely cheesed and did not want to get out of my nice warm bed, but I have been looking forward to my day with Tink for ages so drag myself out of bed I do.
Now we set ourselves a time of nine to be out of the house, but Tink and I take forever as usual to get ready and we're running 20 minutes late. Which is very typical behaviour from us.
We get in to town and rush for our train, the train is as usual packed to full capacity. Full trains really annoy me, it's a stupid pet peeve but there it is.
Tink sits in front of me and we share my ipod and read our magazines, chatting easily, and the hour and a half passes quite quickly, when we get to London we push through the hordes of people and then the arctic wind hits us.
The first thing that we do is head to the underground and purchase our train tickets. One machine has no queue so I go to that and am in the middle of purchasing our tickets when an older gentleman leans in and jabs Tink with his finger "That machine is broken." He says, but it's working so I ignore him and continue with my purchase, sure enough however the card part of the machine is broken so I get in the queue for the working machine. Telling the people queuing behind me that the machine is broken. But like me before them, they ignored me and the cycle continued. English people are idiots. I am one of them.
However foreign people are idiots too, as proven by the delightful woman ahead of me in line, who brazenly ignores the massive "CARD ONLY" signs and tries to put her five pound note into the credit card slot. After several failed attempts she turns to me and asks for help. I tell her that she can't use cash and that it's card only. She doesn't understand. I point to the sign that says "CARD ONLY" and she doesn't understand. I was somewhat tempted to get out my credit card and show her, however I am worried she will think that I am offering to buy her ticket, so my card stays in my purse. After repeating myself ten more times in slow, loud (because you know that if you say something louder it's easier to understand) basic English she gets it and gets the hell out of the line - halle-bloody-lujiah.
I finally purchase our tickets and we head off to Camden Town.
Camden is my favourite place in London. It's where all the cool kids hang out. It's filled with rockers and scene kids and all the 'hipsters' and they have awesome market stalls where you have to haggle. I have so much fun haggling.
Tink and I go in and are just browsing and we get sleazy market traders saying what pretty ladies we are, and that they'll give us a good price as we're pretty ladies - ha! One asks if Tink and I are sisters which we confirm that yes, we are. He then asks which is the older sister. Tink isn't impressed and I am chuffed, I'm pretty sure he's just flattering me to get a sale.
He then asks how old we are, when I tell him that I am 26 he is genuinely shocked, which does wonders for the ego, and then he tells me he was sure I was 17/18. Now I fear he is taking the piss, that or my Oil of Olay is working wonders.
However his flattery gets him nowhere and we leave without purchasing anything.
As we're wondering around, I am in my own little world, as usual and Tink gets all excited.
"OH my god! it's that guy from Big Brother." Big Brother is a show we were obsessed with in my house we saw it all the time, so I was quite excited by this news and whipped my head around so fast I gave myself whiplash.
"What?! Who?!" I ask, my eyes scanning the crowds of people.
"The good looking one." Tink says desperately.
"John James?" I ask frantically, he was very goodlooking, a bit of a knob-head but a very attractive one.
"Yes!" Tink screeches.
"Where?" I ask, and she gestures to three men walking away.
I was on the scent like a bloodhound, I think I would make an excellent member of the paparazzi I was all over him like a rash. I power walked until I was at a level with him, and I heard his Australian accent, I power walk harder and overtake him, glancing back and ascertain that yes, it is in fact John James, we stalk him until he ducks in to a shop, possibly to avoid us, and because he's only a Z list celeb, I give up. Had it been Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance, or Kellan Lutz, I wouldn't have given up until they had been sexually molested in some way by me.
Tink and I shop for hours, before deciding to head to Piccadilly and do some more Celeb spotting if possible.
We get as far as Leicester Square before feeling like we were going to keel over and die from the cold, so we go into the fine dining establishment of McDonald's, where we grab a quick bite to eat, thaw out a little and then carry on, knowing we have at least four hours to kill before we can go home.
We spend hours window shopping, and see tons and tons of things that we want to buy ourselves, which is not helpful when you are looking to buy Christmas presents for other people, we're putting off going back in to the cold, but know that it is inevitable.
So I decided to get us a hot chocolate and suggest a walk beside the Thames. We go to Starbucks, get a small hot chocolate, then we stand at the small bar and add the sugar and chocolate powder.
"Would you like sugar?" I ask Tink.
"Yes please." She replies and as I pour sugar in she says quick as a whip.
"I want sugar not diabetes." I let out the loudest bark of shocked laughter, before clapping my hand over my mouth to suppress my loud laugh.
That's the thing with Tink, she is unbelievably hilarious and quick witted, and she always keeps me on my toes.
We go out and walk miles, we get lost about three times before I realise that we've walked in the wrong direction. As we're walking down the pavement, we see a business man, walking aggressively - you know the type, the ones who have finished work and want to get home as quickly as possible, the ones who hate every single person that get in their way.
Well mr. business man walks around a group and then things go wrong, he stumbles, and in slow motion he goes down, twisting as he falls as if he's unsuccessfully trying to do a para-roll. His laptop case smacks down, he falls harder, the sound of his skin scraping the pavement is loud in the London night. People stop and stare at him, as if they want to offer him help, but won't unless he's really hurt. He get's up pretty quickly, picks up his case and walks away. As soon as he's out of earshot, I am lost. The giggles consume myself and Tink as well, we're laughing hysterically, clutching our sides. I am having trouble breathing when Tink gasps out. "Did you see how he rolled into a fetal position?" and I laugh harder. Impossibly harder. I am sobbing, no sound is coming from my mouth. I gasp in a breath and a loud cackle fills the air. The walkway is busy so we can't stop, and I am walking and laughing, so is Tink, we're walking blind. I manage to walk for three blocks laughing all the while. People are looking at me like I'm crazy. And I guess I am a little but I can't help myself. There is something so inherently funny about people hurting themselves. Not seriously of course. But minor injuries are always just so, so funny. Karma will find a way of repaying me, but I'm still laughing as I recall this story to type it up.
The rest of our trip is a total success we laugh some more, take some pretty pictures of London at night (it's very pretty seeing all the lights), there's a Christmas Market that we visit. We have to run for our train when we get to the station as there's only four minutes until the train leaves, we manage to get on the train with no problems, which I am VERY grateful for. And Tink and I recall the poor falling man again and we both laugh until we are crying, earning odd looks from the other passengers.
All in all, a fantastic adventure with my best friend.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
Birthday Madness.
This little memory tidbit was inspired when I found some pictures on facebook from my birthday party. I have had the laziest Sunday in the history of the world, and I have LOVED it, I'm going to very much enjoy my 2 weeks off...
Birthday Madness
For all my life I have enjoyed birthdays - it's because I am selfish and like presents, so a day where all the focus is on me, when I receive cards and presents and perhaps most importantly - cake - is a day that rocks for me.
One of my youngest memories was a big party that my mum and dad threw for me, I'm not sure of my age, I just remember having a bouncy castle and playing pass the parcel. I also remember having a massive hissy fit when the parcel never stopped on me. I was a massive brat.
I also remember going to one of my classmates Edward's parties - his parties were always fancy dress, and my mum used to get me the most beautiful costumes. Once I was Mary (the one who had a little lamb) I had a beautiful long pink dress with white lace trim and a little pink bonnet and I even had the sheperds crook. I loved that dress so much I wanted to keep it, I was heart broken when we had to return it to the costume rental.
The next year I had the cutest ladybug costume, red leotard, with wings that attached to my wrists. I looked so cute! I'd like to wear an adult version of that costume now!
My love to dress up has followed me into my adult life. I've always been a drama queen and I have always wanted to be an actress and love getting in to character, so dressing up is always fun for me.
First up was my 21st birthday, I wanted to have a party, and decided that the theme was going to be Vampire. Because I love Vampires, and all things gothic. My favourite band at the time was Evanescence and I desperately wanted to look like Amy Lee (I've always been a dreamer - ha!) I braided my hair in to lots of tiny plaits, left it in all day then took it out in the evening, my hair was mahoosive, but to make it a little bigger I backcombed it to massive proportions. I made my own outfit and put in fangs, I loved it. My best friend brought me a pink cowboy hat, which I loved and in all my drunken glory plopped it on top of my massive hair, it seemed to ruin the look somewhat but I was far too gone to even care. That birthday went by in a very drunken haze.
A few months later and it was my best friends 21st, and she decided on dress up too, she is just like me. Her theme was dark Alice in Wonderland.
This was genius, she went as - of course Alice.
I decided to go as the cheshire cat.
I braided my hair once more wanting a big lion mane type 'do. I made bright pink furry arm guantlets, matching leg warmers and a black skirt, and a black and pink top. I also had a full face mask of a pink cat.
The night was so fun, so many people dressed up and we saw some completely original ideas, like my friend Kaz she wore a pretty dress but had earrings and a choker that she made herself, they held packets of jam. She was a 'Jam tart' and she had a tag that said Eat me. As much as I loved my outfit, I was suddenly very jealous of her genius.
That night saw me getting very drunk - shocking I realise. And whilst on the dancefloor I decided to show-off once more. I had done performing arts at college and one of the things I had to do was dance, and we had to be able to do the splits, I could never quite do it, but I could stretch one of my legs above my head, so I decided to show everyone just how flexible I was.
However i hadn't done dance for several months, and absolutely no stretching, so I asked for my friend Paul's help, he grabbed my leg and hoisted it up very high, everyone was suitably impressed. And the night went on.
However the next day I realised, when sobriety hit, that I was in agony, having pulled all of the muscles in my leg, and I had to go around on crutches, when I hobbled in to work everyone mocked me...
The next birthday dress up was my 23rd birthday when I threw a party, the theme was 'Welcome to the dolls house'.
I dressed as a living dead doll, kind of zombie dolls, I made my own costume, wore fire contact lenses and tons of makeup. I once more got drunk beyond all belief, probably the most drunk I have ever gotten in my life.
It was a very stressful time organising my own party, the dj dropped out the night before my party and I had to find another one at short notice. So when my party actually rolled around and I was finally able to let loose, I did. Big time.
All my friends looked awesome, and 2 of them put so much effort in, they came as transformers, they looked awesome.
Most of my friends bought me drinks, so I had a steady stream of alcohol in my system.
My group of close male friends decided to have some fun and started a wrestling match, I was watching and cheering it on, when I got dragged down into a massive bundle. Trying to keep my dignity intact, what dignity I hear you cry- shut up. I crawl out and find a couple of pound coins on the floor. Crying out triumphantly I scoop the money up and tuck it straight into my bra.
The rest of the evening is spent dancing, then comes my drunken classy big finish. I grab the DJ mike, ask for MyChemical Romance to be played. Then in drunken glory I bellow out Teenagers at the top of my lungs as If I'm a rockstar headlining my own concert.
If that isn't embarrassing enough, doing this in front of my close personal friends, but I decide to start jumping, right by the decs and cause the music to skip. Mortifying.
SO I left it 3 years before attempting another costume party, my 26th, based on comic book style. I wore shiny leggings, a gorgeous little dress and a bright hot pink wig and over the top makeup like a mask. A lot of my friends didn't dress up,but I still had a blast.
I had a hotpink watergun that I filled with vodka, and everyones initiation was that they had to drink from the gun as I squirt it in their mouths. All very well until I squirted vodka down my own throat and choked. Nothing more attractive than a constant splutter and hack. mmm sexy.
I can't wait until the next costume party...
Birthday Madness
For all my life I have enjoyed birthdays - it's because I am selfish and like presents, so a day where all the focus is on me, when I receive cards and presents and perhaps most importantly - cake - is a day that rocks for me.
One of my youngest memories was a big party that my mum and dad threw for me, I'm not sure of my age, I just remember having a bouncy castle and playing pass the parcel. I also remember having a massive hissy fit when the parcel never stopped on me. I was a massive brat.
I also remember going to one of my classmates Edward's parties - his parties were always fancy dress, and my mum used to get me the most beautiful costumes. Once I was Mary (the one who had a little lamb) I had a beautiful long pink dress with white lace trim and a little pink bonnet and I even had the sheperds crook. I loved that dress so much I wanted to keep it, I was heart broken when we had to return it to the costume rental.
The next year I had the cutest ladybug costume, red leotard, with wings that attached to my wrists. I looked so cute! I'd like to wear an adult version of that costume now!
My love to dress up has followed me into my adult life. I've always been a drama queen and I have always wanted to be an actress and love getting in to character, so dressing up is always fun for me.
First up was my 21st birthday, I wanted to have a party, and decided that the theme was going to be Vampire. Because I love Vampires, and all things gothic. My favourite band at the time was Evanescence and I desperately wanted to look like Amy Lee (I've always been a dreamer - ha!) I braided my hair in to lots of tiny plaits, left it in all day then took it out in the evening, my hair was mahoosive, but to make it a little bigger I backcombed it to massive proportions. I made my own outfit and put in fangs, I loved it. My best friend brought me a pink cowboy hat, which I loved and in all my drunken glory plopped it on top of my massive hair, it seemed to ruin the look somewhat but I was far too gone to even care. That birthday went by in a very drunken haze.
A few months later and it was my best friends 21st, and she decided on dress up too, she is just like me. Her theme was dark Alice in Wonderland.
This was genius, she went as - of course Alice.
I decided to go as the cheshire cat.
I braided my hair once more wanting a big lion mane type 'do. I made bright pink furry arm guantlets, matching leg warmers and a black skirt, and a black and pink top. I also had a full face mask of a pink cat.
The night was so fun, so many people dressed up and we saw some completely original ideas, like my friend Kaz she wore a pretty dress but had earrings and a choker that she made herself, they held packets of jam. She was a 'Jam tart' and she had a tag that said Eat me. As much as I loved my outfit, I was suddenly very jealous of her genius.
That night saw me getting very drunk - shocking I realise. And whilst on the dancefloor I decided to show-off once more. I had done performing arts at college and one of the things I had to do was dance, and we had to be able to do the splits, I could never quite do it, but I could stretch one of my legs above my head, so I decided to show everyone just how flexible I was.
However i hadn't done dance for several months, and absolutely no stretching, so I asked for my friend Paul's help, he grabbed my leg and hoisted it up very high, everyone was suitably impressed. And the night went on.
However the next day I realised, when sobriety hit, that I was in agony, having pulled all of the muscles in my leg, and I had to go around on crutches, when I hobbled in to work everyone mocked me...
The next birthday dress up was my 23rd birthday when I threw a party, the theme was 'Welcome to the dolls house'.
I dressed as a living dead doll, kind of zombie dolls, I made my own costume, wore fire contact lenses and tons of makeup. I once more got drunk beyond all belief, probably the most drunk I have ever gotten in my life.
It was a very stressful time organising my own party, the dj dropped out the night before my party and I had to find another one at short notice. So when my party actually rolled around and I was finally able to let loose, I did. Big time.
All my friends looked awesome, and 2 of them put so much effort in, they came as transformers, they looked awesome.
Most of my friends bought me drinks, so I had a steady stream of alcohol in my system.
My group of close male friends decided to have some fun and started a wrestling match, I was watching and cheering it on, when I got dragged down into a massive bundle. Trying to keep my dignity intact, what dignity I hear you cry- shut up. I crawl out and find a couple of pound coins on the floor. Crying out triumphantly I scoop the money up and tuck it straight into my bra.
The rest of the evening is spent dancing, then comes my drunken classy big finish. I grab the DJ mike, ask for MyChemical Romance to be played. Then in drunken glory I bellow out Teenagers at the top of my lungs as If I'm a rockstar headlining my own concert.
If that isn't embarrassing enough, doing this in front of my close personal friends, but I decide to start jumping, right by the decs and cause the music to skip. Mortifying.
SO I left it 3 years before attempting another costume party, my 26th, based on comic book style. I wore shiny leggings, a gorgeous little dress and a bright hot pink wig and over the top makeup like a mask. A lot of my friends didn't dress up,but I still had a blast.
I had a hotpink watergun that I filled with vodka, and everyones initiation was that they had to drink from the gun as I squirt it in their mouths. All very well until I squirted vodka down my own throat and choked. Nothing more attractive than a constant splutter and hack. mmm sexy.
I can't wait until the next costume party...
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