Thrills and Spills.

I haven’t written in ages, I’ve had a very stressful couple of weeks and a terrible case of writers block, it sucks but I think it’s starting to lift now thank goodness.



Work is iffy, I have days where I absolutely love it, and days where it just does my head in, but I think everyone feels the same about their jobs. I must say I was a very lucky girl the other day and won a Kindle E-Reader at work yesterday, that’s a big deal to me, I’ve wanted one for the last couple of years since they first came out, but couldn’t justify spending that much on a luxury item. So to find out I won one for just doing my job is pretty sweet it has to be said.


The other day I had one of those amazing nights you know, I went out on a pretty good date, had a lovely evening and the next day I went and spent some time with my nan and grandy, it was my first time seeing my grandy since his operation and he looked really good.


Nan had made me a cooked breakfast, I was utterly spoiled, as always when I see the Grandparents, I spent a couple of hours with them having catch up chats. I mentioned to my Grandy that Jared was interested in the British Royal Navy and had been trying to tell me facts about it which I had scoffed at, because both of my granddads had served in the Navy, pretty much at the same time too. Once I mentioned to Grandy that Jared was interested he got me a whole bunch of his precious pictures and lent them to me so that I could send them to Jar for him to look at. It always touches me that my granddad is so kind and selfless, he has always been that way, if he had something that I was interested in he would immediately lend or give it to me.


After an eventful and wonderful morning I head home to check on mum, because she has the beginnings of a nasty cold and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t exerting herself too much, the weather is hideously bitingly cold, but I just pull my hood up and continue on my way as I am in a happy, happy mood and nothing could bring me down. Except of course for gravity.


I am approaching my house so I shove my hand into my massive bag, rooting around for my door key, I cut across to my path, but pay no attention to where my feet are treading and I miss my path, my foot sank into the soft grass, my ankle twisted painfully and I lurched forward. I remember a time when falling used to happen in slow motion, this did not, I had no recollection of the fall at all, just that hideous sound of flesh hitting concrete solidly, my hand still in my bag couldn’t stop my fall so my face did, thankfully my massive hood was still up protecting my cheek.


I was so embarrassed I jumped up to my feet and hobbled in to the house, my light grey jeggings were wet, but thankfully not torn. My knee was throbbing as was the palm of my hand, the sort of pain you get every other day as a child, but seeing as I haven’t fallen like that since I was like eight, it was somewhat of a shock to have that pain thrown so casually and unexpectedly back at me.

As I gingerly peeled my damp and skin tight jeggings off my leg, I am not shocked at the blood, just shocked that there wasn’t more of it. My knee was swollen and bruised in three places.


I have to be honest, I didn’t deal with the sharp pain well, and I milked it for all it was worth, because lets face it, I don’t often fall, at least not without being tanked up on a whole lot of alcohol and when that happens you don’t often feel the pain until the next day.

Grandy and Nan

So today was a rough, rough day for me, but it ended pretty damn well. My grandy had to have heart surgery, I got myself so worked up I made myself pretty sick. I already have the flu and nerves just made me sick all day yesterday and today.I am very lucky though and have been blessed with wonderful supportive friends. And my grandy he's badass, I should know better than to count him out too soon.
So I thought today's blog would be a celebration of some of the best moments of Grandy and Nan, you see most people have conventional grandparents - not me. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

The Snowman

A little while ago we had some deeeeep snow, so deep in fact that it made getting in to work impossible and we got a snow day - always an exciting prospect when you're a grownup.
I remember my sister and me went out for a walk in the deep snow, we took pictures, had snowball fights, general snow based merriment. Later that night, mum phoned nan to make sure that she and grandy were ok at home, that they didn't need anything, etc, when nan told the following story.
In the spirit of snow based frivolities nan decided to go in to her back garden and build a snowman, she didn't have any winter gloves so she was wearing her bright yellow washing up gloves and she built her snowman whilst my grandad watched from the warmth of indoors. When she was done she went searching for a carrot for the snowman's nose, when she got to her fridge she realised that she didn't have any, all she had was tinned carrots. So she used a tiny limp tinned carrot for a nose. But what to do for eyes? I hear you cry.
As my nan looked for inspiration my grandad pipes up "Use dog turds!" Perhaps the most sensible advice ever uttered... What makes it worse was that my nan did. Yes that's right, the snowman with his limp carrot nose had dog turds for eyes. Looks like it'll be an chavtastic Christmas...

What have I ever done for you?!

My nan and grandy argue, kind of all the time. The funny thing is they obviously love each other, they just bitch and moan all the time, sometimes it drives you insane, and sometimes it's utterly, utterly hilarious, this argument is one of those times.
My grandy and nan were arguing about something petty, and nan listed all of the things that she had ever done for Grandy - those big romantic gestures, the deep emotional stuff etc real compelling stuff when my grandad looks at her, in full earnest anger...
"What have I ever done for you? What have I ever done for you? I've bloody kept you in t-shirts!"
Best. Line. Ever.
My nan looked at him dumbfounded and walked away, she later told us that she was holding back laughter, she had gone to her wardrobe and looked inside at all of the many, many t-shirts grandy had bought her over the years and she couldn't fault him, he had indeed bought her a lot of t-shirts...

Dropping the C-bomb

My grandad used to be in the Navy. He has travelled the world, had a woman in every port, and cursed up a storm. That being said he's a true Italian Gentleman and won't curse in front of a lady and HATES it when women swear especially when the C-bomb is dropped.
During another one of their little arguments, I remember this vividly, I'm sitting on the sofa, eating some treat that nan has lavished upon me in true nan style and nan is following grandy around chanting the c-bomb, and every single time grandy flinches as if he's been slapped. It was one of the funniest things I had ever seen but Grandy was getting cheesed and I didn't want to annoy him more so I just put my head down and snorted in to my cake crumbs.

Pole Dancing Pensioner

My nan is outrageous, I am almost one hundred percent positive it is where I get it from. My nan will always make inappropriate jokes and have fun, and I think it is awesome. The other day we were on a bus and she gets off halfway during my journey home, as we approach her stop she kisses me on the cheek, presses the bell and starts to make her way down the aisle, as she gets to the bit in the front where people can stand, she's holding the pole, the bus breaks suddenly and she pitches forward, catches herself and swings around the pole like a geriatric stripper (if she knew I'd used the term geriatric she would punch me, no word of a lie) She then bellows "woohoo, sorry driver, fancied trying my hand a pole dancing" and continues to gyrate around the pole for a moment. I am killing myself laughing at this point whilst the rest of the silver surfers stare at her in stony faced silence.

A picture perfect memory - Hazel bear and the doll house...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Wow, we've entered 2011 and I am sure that it's going to be a wonderful year, it's gotta be better than 2010, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, but a lot of bad stuff did go down last year. Saying that though we get out of life what we put into it, so I'm going to be more positive and outgoing. I was looking through my old profile pictures on facebook and thought that I could reminisce with you fine people out there...

Todays picture is courtesy of my 23rd birthday party - many years ago now :D It was a costume party- the theme was toys, I went as a Living Dead Doll and my friend went as a Panda bear...

I was working at an opticians at the time, I had been there for 2 years and I was incredibly close to all of the wonderful people that I worked with. I remember when I went for the job, I thought that it was going to be a small team of uptight people and I was unsure I even wanted to work there, however the money was good and it was a 'grown up job'. I was working at a cinema at the time and the opticians had asked me to an interview, I had nothing smart enough to wear and true to form I left it until the last possible minute to think about getting interview clothes. The night before my interview I went in to Asda and bought the cheapest suit they had in the sale, it was this hideous biscuit brown skirt and jacket and it was 2 sizes too big - I looked a state, they probably gave me the job out of pity.

In my interview I had to impress not one but two people, I am confident and outgoing so I wasn't really worried about that aspect of it. The man who interviewed me was lovely, I was sure I had impressed him, he was very open, the woman however seemed not at all impressed with me, and I got the vibe that she didn't like me at all, I remember I left that interview and phoned my mum, I told her that I didn't get the job, that I had blown it. So imagine my shock when not only did I get the job, but that woman would go on to become one of my closest friends.

It's not often that you can say that your bosses are your friends too, but the opticians was an incredibly social place to work, the true definition of a team, and as such when my 23rd birthday rolled around and I threw a party I invited everyone and they all turned up - and they turned up in costume too! Hazel came as a panda bear, because she is obsessed with them, she had gone to so much effort making her costume and she looked incredible! All I remember her doing that night was going up to my friends - men that she didn't even know and groping them - she was the groping panda! There are tons of pictures of her in action. I actually think as that picture was taken she was going in for a grope of the birthday girl!

Hazel and I have so much in common it's a little strange, but it also made working for her that much easier, I knew how far I could take a joke, I would never overstep the limits and take advantage of our friendship and Haze never takes any crap from anyone anyway.

One of my favourite memories of her came from the days when I worked in the office. It was my job to answer calls, organise doctors letters etc and there was a toilet right next door to the office - not always pleasant - but at least I saw people as they went to and fro from the toilet. Because the toilet was well used and often 'odouress' we had copious amounts of air freshener.

The air freshener was usually a life saver, but someone made the grave error of buying a rose scented air freshener. It wasn't one of those that got rid of a stench, it just tarted it up. I can't tell you the amount of times I was assaulted with the revolting stench of a trussed up turd.

Hazel found my hatred for the rose scented freshener hilarious and would often tease me about it.

One day in December, I was being driven insane because not only was it freezing in our tiny office, I had the space heater on and the door closed to keep the warmth in, it was also dead, the phones weren't ringing, I was nearly all caught up with my work, I was finding myself tasks because otherwise the day drags, so I'm sitting getting absorbed in filing when I hear this strange hissing noise.

I have no idea what the hell it is, and I'm looking around our tiny office in confusion wondering what the noise is and whether it should disturb me, then just as suddenly I'm assaulted by the sickly stench of the rose air freshener, and it's so thick in the air it's burning my throat. I try to get out of the office only to find that the door is stuck!

Turns out that Hazel making the most of her lunch break had wedged the door shut and was spraying the rose air freshener through the keyhole in the door.

I'm sure that office still smells of roses three years on.